Death & Dying
A Practical Guide for Death & Dying
This resource supports families and communities looking for alternative, lower cost and more hands on ways to tend to death and dying.
It includes pathways for working with a funeral director, not working with one, or a mixed approach.
If you want to die at home, or you want to take care of a loved one to die at home, you will need a lot of support. There are some incredible services and organisations offering hospice at home and palliative support, here in Hampshire and at its edges. Death Doulas that we recommend can also provide support
The most important skill you need for this time is asking for help.
Family, friends, neighbours.
Lean in.
Risk asking, and saying yes, to offers to collect prescriptions, do washing, make food, sit with your loved one while you have a walk or a bath. It takes a great deal of courage and vulnerability to gather a circle of care around you, but it can be a very powerful act of love for you all.
Expected & Unexpected deaths
The first steps depend on where and how someone has died.
Expected death at home with GP, community nurses, or hospice support:
You do not have to call someone straight away. You have time. When you are ready call the doctor or community nurses and they will come to confirm the time of death.
Likewise, you do not need to phone a funeral director straight away. Take your time especially if you have decided to keep your person at home for some time after death.
There are occasions when your plans might have to change. Sometimes where or the way someone dies means their death gets treated differently to what you expected. For example if someone decides the coroner needs to be involved.
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Expected death in hospital
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Staff will confirm the death, lay out the body, and take it to the hospital mortuary. You can ask to stay and help with this if you wish.
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You'll need to contact the hospital's bereavement office, usually the next working day after 10am, they'll explain what happens next and what you need to bring. The folk who work in these departments are usually experienced in being alongside grieving people and really kind and helpful.
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A doctor issues the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death, which is then reviewed by an independent medical examiner before you can register the death.
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The body stays in the mortuary until a funeral director collects it, or until other arrangements are made. It's worth asking the ward or bereavement office directly if you'd like more time with the body, or want to be involved in aspects of care, hospitals vary in what they can offer, but it's always worth asking.
In the case of a sudden or unexpected death
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You must call 999.
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The death may be referred to the coroner. If the coroner is involved, the sequence changes. This is explained later in the guide.
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Death in a hospice or care home
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Staff will call a doctor or nurse to verify the death and the doctor will issue the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death
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If the death was expected, you can then arrange for a funeral director to bring the person into their care, or explore taking them home if that's what you want.
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If the death is sudden, unexpected, or the cause is unclear, staff will contact emergency services or the GP, and the case will be referred to the coroner.
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If someone dies abroad
Register the death according to the rules of the country where they died. A local death certificate from that country can usually be used in the UK, though if it isn't in English, you may need a certified translation to sort out their affairs here. If you also want the death registered with UK authorities, the Foreign, Commonwealth & Development Office can help (020 7008 5000).
Who Makes Decisions
If there's a will, the executor named in it has the legal right and responsibility to arrange the funeral.
If there's no will, that right passes to the closest relatives, in a set legal order — spouse or civil partner first, then children, then parents, and outward from there. Where several people rank equally, they'll usually need to agree between themselves.
It's worth knowing that this legal order doesn't recognise unmarried partners — so if you're not married or in a civil partnership, you have no automatic right to arrange your partner's funeral, regardless of how long you've been together. Having a will resolves this issue.
People often say 'next of kin,' but that's just informal language — it isn't a legal status and doesn't by itself give anyone authority to arrange the funeral. The authority comes from being the executor, or from your place in the family order.
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If they had a Power of Attorney, the lasting or enduring power of attorney ends automatically when the person dies. The attorney needs to notify the Office of the Public Guardian and send them the original power of attorney document, any certified copies, and a copy of the death certificate.
Funeral wishes expressed in a will are generally not legally binding, though executors usually try to respect them. It can be helpful to talk about these things with your family so everyone is aware of what you want to happen.
It is worth stating again that in nearly all situations dying without a will in place, creates unnecessary stress and complications for the people that you love.
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The First Hours After Death
If the death was expected
There is no need to do anything straight away, and no rush. You can spend as much time as you need with the body before contacting anyone. At some point, a doctor or nurse needs to visit and you can phone the GP, district nurse or hospice team to ask someone to come.
If the death was sudden or unexpected
Call 999 and tell them the person has died unexpectedly. Ask for both an ambulance and the police. Paramedics will verify the death, and police will usually attend to check there’s nothing suspicious. The death may then be referred to the coroner, who will decide whether any further investigation is needed. You can’t register the death until the coroner has established the cause and passed the paperwork on to the registrar. If the coroner is involved, the body will be taken into their care, so the rest of this section applies to expected deaths.
Note the time of death if you can, you’ll be asked for it later.
Verifying the death
Whoever visits will verify that the person has died. This is separate from certifying the death. Verification just confirms it has happened, and is usually arranged without much delay once you call, though overnight it can take a little longer. Certifying the cause of death comes later, and is done by a doctor.
Until someone has verified the death, avoid moving the body or removing any medical equipment. While you’re waiting, you can still lay the body flat on its back with the head slightly raised, close the mouth (a rolled towel under the chin can help), close the eyelids gently, replace dentures if needed, and place a towel or continence pad underneath if there isn’t one already.
When you're ready, and only when you're ready, you can contact friends, family, and a funeral director if you'd like one involved. A health professional may suggest the body be removed straight away; you're not obliged to agree, and there's rarely a practical reason it can't wait until morning.
Keeping the Body at Home
In England and Wales, it's lawful to keep a body at home, and there's no legal time limit for when burial or cremation must take place. Most families keep the body for a few hours, overnight, or one to three days — longer if it's kept cool.
This applies straightforwardly to an expected death. If the death was sudden or unexpected, a doctor (and sometimes the police) will usually need to confirm the cause before the body can be left at home or moved.
There's no requirement for immediate removal. Families can sit vigil, wash and dress the person, and take the time they need to say goodbye.
Cooling the Body
Cooling slows natural changes and lets the body be kept at home for longer. Ways to cool include opening windows, although the mouth and nose should be covered and ideally use nets to cover open windows to stop insects flying in.
Turn down the heating and keep the body in the coolest room. You can also use ice packs wrapped in towels or cooling blankets placed beneath the body.
Rigor Mortis
Begins 2–6 hours after death. Strongest around 12–24 hours. Usually fades after 24–48 hours.
Natural Changes
Cooling, changes in skin colour, relaxation of the muscles, possible release of the bladder or bowels, and small sounds as air leaves the lungs are all normal.
Washing and Tending the Body
You may wash the body if you wish — warm water and a cloth is enough.
Posture
As the body cools and stiffens, a rolled towel beneath the head can help with positioning. Hands may be folded or placed wherever feels natural.
Coffins and Trestles
If the body is resting in a coffin, trestles raise it to a comfortable height and allow airflow. These can sometimes be borrowed from a funeral director, or ordinary DIY trestles covered with cloth work just as well.
Funeral directors are used to caring for people on their own premises, so they may not automatically offer to keep someone at home, it's worth asking directly. You're free to change funeral director if one is unwilling to accommodate your wishes. But it's also worth listening to their reasoning first, there's a real difference between a director who's simply reluctant to be flexible, and one who's raising a genuine practical concern worth taking into account
Home Death Care Kit
If you know you want to keep your loved one at home it is helpful to have gathered these things in advance. Most are everyday items you may already have in the house.
For body fluids:
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Absorbent bed pads and continence pads
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Face cloths and wipes
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Disposable gloves
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Towels for bed protection
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For washing:
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A basin, face cloths, and towels
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Soap or wet wipes
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Sponges
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For ongoing care:
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A strong bed sheet (useful for moving the body later)
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Cooling packs or ice packs and old towels to wrap them in.
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A handkerchief or soft cloth (for covering the face if needed)
Vigil, Visiting & Time with the Body
After death, many people choose to spend time with the body before burial or cremation. You might want a space where friends and family can gather for this — a quiet time, or one that includes prayer, music, storytelling, or just sitting together. Different people find different ways to do this.
Vigil
A vigil simply means staying with the body for a period of time. It might last a few hours, overnight, or several days. Some families sit quietly while others light candles, sing, pray, or share stories.
Visiting
Friends, neighbours, and extended family may come to pay their respects. This can happen at home, in a funeral director's chapel of rest, or in a community space. Visits may be informal or organised for certain hours. If you are visiting in a funeral director's chapel of rest you will need to arrange timings with them.
Keeping the body at home
If the body is kept at home, people often place it in a bedroom or quiet room, bring flowers or photographs, and come and go throughout the day.
Keeping the room cool helps slow natural changes. If it's cool outside, an open window can help; if the weather is warm, keep windows and curtains closed to block the heat instead. Ice packs or cooling blankets placed around the body also help — change ice packs every few hours, and wrap them in plastic bags and towels to keep the bed or coffin dry.
Children and young people
Children often benefit from being included rather than excluded and this can sometimes be a difficult decision to navigate. Ask other people what their experience is and see our resource section on how to support children and grief.
A simple reminder
Spending time with your person's body is not required. Some people find it helpful and meaningful. Others prefer to remember the person differently.
Registering the Death
The death must be registered with the local registrar, usually within five days. This doesn’t apply if the death has been referred to the coroner, registration happens once they’ve finished their part.
You register at the register office for the district where the death happened. Most offices work by appointment, book online or by phone. If you can’t get to the right district’s office, you can attend any register office in England or Wales and make a declaration instead, the registrar there forwards your information to the correct office, though this can add a short delay.
A relative usually registers the death, but it can also be someone who was there when the person died, someone who lived in the property where they died, or the person who is arranging the funeral. A funeral director can’t register the death on your behalf. The registrar will usually receive the medical certificate of cause of death directly from the doctor, so check with them what you need to bring. It helps to have the person’s date of birth, last address, occupation, and NHS number to hand.
The registrar issues the certificate needed for burial or cremation (sometimes called the “green form”), which you pass to the funeral director if you’re using one. You’ll also get a Certificate of Registration of Death, and can buy certified copies of the death certificate for £12.50 each. Most families need 8-10 certified copies for things like banks, pensions, utilities and probate.
Most register offices offer a service called Tell Us Once, which reports the death to several government departments and local services in one go, including the DWP, DVLA, HM Passport Office, and your council. The registrar gives you a code for this at your appointment. If your local area doesn’t offer it, you’ll need to contact each organisation separately.
When the Coroner Is Involved
A death is reported to the coroner when the cause is unknown, or the death involved an accident, injury, or unnatural circumstances, or happened in custody or from an industrial disease.
The coroner may review medical information, order a post-mortem, or hold an inquest. While the investigation is ongoing, the body stays in the coroner's care rather than at home.
This can delay the funeral, though the body may be released once the post-mortem is complete, even if the wider investigation continues.
Working with or without a Funeral Director
In England & Wales, families may arrange everything themselves, work entirely with a funeral director, or combine family care with professional help.
All three approaches are lawful.
If you use a funeral director
A funeral director can help with transporting the body, care of the body, paperwork, coffins, and planning a ceremony.
Some people prefer this support, especially when time or capacity is limited.
If you arrange things yourself
Families may choose to care for the body at home, provide their own coffin, transport the body themselves, and arrange burial or cremation directly.
Registrars, cemeteries, and crematoria can explain their requirements.
Mixing approaches
Many families choose a combination, for example keeping the body at home for several days and then asking a funeral director to assist with transport or the ceremony.
You are allowed to decide which parts you want help with.
Choosing a funeral director
If you decide to use one, it can help to ask what services are included, what the costs are, and whether they are comfortable with family involvement.
You are allowed to change funeral directors if your wishes are not being respected.
It's worth checking that a funeral director is registered with a recognised body, such as the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD), the National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF), or the Association of Green Funeral Directors. These are voluntary trade bodies so they have limited powers, but it gives you somewhere to turn if something goes wrong.
A simple reminder
Funeral directors provide a service. They do not control the process.
Burial & Cremation Paperwork
Both burial and cremation require the death to be registered. The main difference in paperwork is what happens after registration.
Burial
The registrar issues a certificate allowing burial or cremation (often called the green form). This is given to the cemetery or burial ground before burial takes place. Burial can be arranged through a funeral director or directly with a cemetery or natural burial ground. If you have space, you can also carry out a home funeral and bury someone on your own land. Home and land burial is legal in England and Wales with rules around distance from water sources, land ownership, and a burial register you need to keep. More information can be found here https://www.naturaldeath.org.uk
Cremation
Alongside registration, the person arranging the cremation completes a cremation application, and the crematorium's medical referee authorises it based on the medical examiner's review. If a funeral director is involved, they usually handle this paperwork. Families arranging cremation themselves deal with the crematorium directly, staff there will guide you through the local process.
When the Coroner Is Involved
If a death is referred to the coroner the process depends on what steps the coroner decides are needed and the paperwork may differ. The coroner works out how the person died and releases the body for burial or cremation once their examinations are complete. If the cause of death is clear, the coroner tells the registrar that no inquest is needed and the death can be registered as usual. If an inquest is needed, you can ask the coroner for an interim death certificate to use as proof of death while you wait. After a post-mortem with no inquest, the coroner sends the registrar the cause of death and, for cremation, issues their own certificate authorising it.
You can get free, independent support from The Coroners’ Courts Support Service.
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Coffins, Shrouds & What's Allowed
There is no law requiring you to buy a coffin from a funeral director.
There is also no law that says a coffin must always be used, a shroud can also be an option, although burial grounds and crematoria may have their own requirements.
Common options;
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Wooden coffins
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Cardboard coffins
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Wicker or willow coffins
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Homemade coffins
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Shrouds (cloth wrapping)
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Homemade Coffins
Families sometimes build coffins themselves using wood or other materials. If you do this, it is wise to check with the burial ground or crematorium beforehand so that the size and materials meet their practical requirements. On our Community of Care page you will find recommendations for coffin makers, some of whom will support you to make your own coffin.
Shrouds
The body may be wrapped in cloth rather than placed in a coffin. For burial this is often used together with a board or stretcher underneath to allow the body to be carried safely. Some crematoria also allow shrouds, although each crematorium has its own rules.
Providing your own coffin
You are allowed to buy a coffin directly from a coffin maker, purchase one online, or build one yourself.
Funeral directors generally accept a coffin supplied by the family, provided it is safe to handle and meets the practical requirements of the crematorium or burial ground. They cannot insist that you purchase a coffin from them.
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Disposing of Ashes
There is no legal time limit on what you do with ashes. They can be kept, buried, or scattered days, months, or years after the cremation, ashes stored in a sealed container remain stable indefinitely.
You can scatter ashes in your own garden without needing any permission. To scatter them on someone else's land, you should ask the landowner first. Scattering ashes at sea doesn't require a licence, however the Environment Agency offer guidelines including the following; No Litter: that everything dropped into the water alongside the ashes must be fully biodegradable, and to be mindful of location, choosing somewhere away from swimming beaches, marinas or buildings.
There's no requirement to use a particular urn or container and a homemade or repurposed container is just as acceptable as a bought one. ​
Moving & Transporting the Body
Families are allowed to transport the body themselves.
The body should be supported on a board, stretcher, or in a coffin, and kept covered throughout. An estate car or van usually works best, since the body needs to lie flat.
You'll need enough people on hand to carry the coffin or stretcher in and out of the vehicle, at least four is a reasonable minimum but more is better.
Attended & Unattended Funerals
An attended funeral means people are present for the ceremony, whether that’s a service at a crematorium, a graveside gathering or any other kind of funeral, although the phrase is most often used in relation to cremations.
An unattended funeral means the cremation or burial happens without anyone present. When there’s no service at all, this is sometimes called a direct cremation. After a cremation, the ashes can be returned to the family, though this isn’t always the case. For a burial, cemetery staff carry it out on their own.
Families sometimes decide to separate the ceremony from the cremation or burial by holding a memorial, wake, or celebration of life at a different time and place, with or without the body or ashes present. This can take the pressure off fitting everything into a short crematorium slot.
Costs & Asking for Prices
Funerals can involve significant costs, but there is no single way a funeral must be arranged.
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Costs vary widely depending on the choices made. Understanding what is optional can help people make decisions that feel right for them and you can save money by choosing to arrange some or all of the funeral yourself.
Funeral director costs
If you use a funeral director, the price will usually include services such as transport of the body, care of the body, paperwork, facilities, a coffin, and organising the funeral or cremation.
Not all of these services are required. You can ask for an itemised price list and choose only the services you want.
Price transparency
Funeral directors in England and Wales are required to make their standardised price list available to the public, including on their website if they have one.
You are entitled to ask for written prices, compare providers, and take time before agreeing to services.
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Direct Cremation
Some people choose direct cremation. This means the body is cremated without a ceremony at the crematorium, and without any family or friends in attendance. A memorial or gathering may take place separately either before cremation or later.
Direct cremation is often less expensive, although prices vary between providers. Some of the cheapest, nationwide options transport the body to whichever crematorium they have a contract with, which can be a considerable distance away, so it's worth asking a provider where the cremation will actually take place. A local funeral director offering direct cremation will usually use a nearby crematorium instead.
Families may also arrange cremation themselves without using a funeral director.
Burial costs
Burial costs usually include purchase of a burial plot, grave preparation, and cemetery fees. Costs vary significantly between cemeteries and Natural burial grounds can have different pricing structures
Coffins and containers
You are not required to purchase a coffin from a funeral director.
Options include coffins bought directly from makers, cardboard coffins, wicker coffins, homemade coffins, or shrouds (depending on burial ground or crematorium requirements).
Providing your own coffin can reduce costs.
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Taking time
You are allowed to ask questions, request written estimates, and compare options. If someone is pushing you to make immediate financial decisions then find a way to slow down and ask another funeral director to quote.
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Funeral arrangements can be simple and do not need to be elaborate. In the midst of grief it is easy to get confused or lost in thinking that the more we spend the more we are honouring the person who has died.
What matters most is that the arrangements reflect the wishes and values of the person who has died and the people who love them.
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Help if you can't afford a funeral
If you're on a low income and receiving a qualifying benefit (such as Universal Credit, Pension Credit, or Housing Benefit), you may be able to claim a Funeral Expenses Payment from the DWP. This can cover burial or cremation fees plus up to £1,000 towards other costs like the coffin or funeral director's fees.
If there's genuinely no money and no one able to pay, the local council (or the hospital, if the person died there) can arrange a public health funeral.
See our Financial Support page for more detail, including charities that help with funeral costs directly.
Home & DIY Funerals
Home funerals are legal in England & Wales. You are not required to use a funeral director.
A home funeral
A home funeral can include:
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Keeping the body at home for hours or days
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Washing and laying out the body
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Vigil or visiting time
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Ceremony in the home or garden
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Family-led transport
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Combining family care with support from a funeral director
There is no single correct version.
Important reassurance
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You can use a funeral director for some parts and not others
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You can change your mind as you go
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You can ask for help without handing everything over
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If you want to care for the body of your loved one it does not have to be all-or-nothing
If a funeral director is unwilling to work with your wishes, you can choose someone else, even if your loved one's body is already in their care.
DIY Funerals: The Paperwork
If you're arranging a cremation yourself, there are two separate forms, not one. The first is Cremation 1, the actual application that lets the cremation legally go ahead, filled in by whoever is taking responsibility for the funeral. The second is the crematorium's own form (sometimes called "Particulars" or "Preliminary information"), covering practical details for the day, music, timings, any specific requests. Every crematorium has its own version of this second form. Both need to reach the crematorium at least 72 hours before the funeral date.
If you're arranging a burial yourself, you will usually either buy the rights to a plot or be using a plot that has previously been purchased or leased for that person or family's use.
Each cemetery has its own instruction form rather than one standard national one. Whoever holds the right to be buried in that grave has to complete and sign it. If it's a brand new grave, this form establishes that right. If it's an existing family grave, the person already named as owning that right has to give signed permission before it can be reopened, and the cemetery may ask to see the original deed.
This all sounds more complicated than it is and your cemetery or local council will help you through the process if you decide to do it yourself instead of using an undertaker.
Coffins
If you're buying or making a coffin independently, check with the burial ground or crematorium first, their requirements differ. Crematoria have rules about what a coffin is made of, and sometimes ask for accreditation from the Funeral Furnishing Manufacturers' Association.
Natural burial grounds also have rules and requirements:
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Everything interred must be fully biodegradable
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No metal screws or fittings
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No plastic linings
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No varnish or treated wood
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Coffins are typically untreated wood, wicker, bamboo, cardboard, or woven willow, with rope or wicker handles rather than metal
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A cloth shroud instead of a coffin is also accepted at most sites
Leading the Ceremony
You don't need a funeral director or any professional person to lead the service. Options include a faith leader, an independent (non-religious) funeral celebrant, or a friend or family member willing to do it. See our link to independent celebrants.
A Real Example
Quaker Social Action's Down to Earth service shared the story of Michael, who arranged his mum's funeral himself, her body stayed at the hospice for a week while he found a faith leader, a cardboard coffin, and a crematorium slot. The whole thing cost around £1,200. He described it as tough but spiritually rewarding, a friend led the ceremony, and the care home put on tea, coffee, and his mum's favourite cake afterwards.
Arranging the Ceremony
Prices and services for your local cemetery or crematorium are often listed online, though you may need to call for specifics. Some crematoria and councils provide step-by-step guidance for arranging a funeral without a director, worth checking their website before assuming you need help. If you're having the ceremony at the crematorium or cemetery chapel, let their office know your requirements in advance, particularly music, they'll usually have their own form for this.
Transporting the Person Who Has Died
You can transport the coffin to the ceremony yourself in an estate car or van (see Moving & Transporting the Body), or arrange professional transport through a funeral director. Some funeral directors will offer transport as a one-off service without taking on the rest of the funeral, though not all do, so it's worth asking around if that's what you want.
Burying on Private Land
If you're considering burying someone on land you own, this is covered in full above in Burial & Cremation Paperwork, there are rules around distance from water, land ownership, and keeping a burial register.
Wakes & Venues
A wake or gathering afterwards doesn't need to happen at a pub, hotel, or function room. Village halls and community centres are often available to hire for both the ceremony itself and the wake afterwards, usually at a fraction of the cost of a commercial venue, and with far more flexibility on timing, since you're not working around a crematorium's fixed slot.
Booking is usually done directly with the hall committee or a local council, worth doing early since popular halls get booked up. Catering can be as simple or involved as you like, some families do it themselves, others ask friends and neighbours to each bring a dish (see our section on Asking for Help & Involving Community), and many halls have their own kitchen facilities you can use.
Further Help on all of the above can be found in our Community of Care. The Natural Death Centre who offer a helpline and resources for people arranging some or all of a funeral themselves. Quaker Social Action's Down to Earth service also supports people planning affordable, family-led funerals, particularly if cost is a barrier.
Asking for Help & Involving Community
Death has long been cared for within families and communities and it is only in recent times that the funeral business has developed into a commercial industry. Once upon a time funerals would have unfolded through and alongside the hearts and hands of the community. Graves would have been dug, sandwiches buttered, flowers gathered and woven into wreaths, all by friends, family and neighbours.
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Nowadays we often have to outsource everything. We buy all the services connected to funerals and have lost track of the skills needed to take care of our dying and dead loved ones.
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We are on a mission to remember and remind each other that we do not have to do everything alone.
Asking for help
Friends and neighbours often want to help but may not know what would be useful and are often worried about intruding or overstepping. It can help to ask people for specific things and to gather people in well in advance of them being needed.
People might help by:
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Sitting with the dying person or their body
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Preparing food, welcoming and supporting visitors
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Collecting people from the station
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Looking after children
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Collecting or returning of prescriptions or medical equipment.
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Helping with practical tasks around the house
Food and gatherings
Food often becomes part of how communities support one another.
Friends might cook meals, bring dishes to share, or help prepare food for wake or gathering.
Flowers and natural offerings
You do not have to buy funeral flowers from a florist.
Some families choose to make arrangements themselves using garden flowers or natural materials.
Friends and family might gather flowers from gardens or hedgerows, make wreaths or garlands, or bring branches, herbs, or seasonal plants.
These can be placed around the body, on the coffin, or at the graveside.
Making a coffin
Some families choose to make a coffin themselves or decorate a simple coffin together.
This might involve woodworking, painting, writing messages, or adding drawings and handprints.
There are some amazing shroud and coffin makers who can support you to DIY in part or in full.
We want to remind you...
Inviting others to help allows people to share the work of care and remembrance. There is no need to be more lonely than you have to be when someone you love dies. Everyone who lives long enough will lose someone they love and when you ask for help, you support others to remember to do the same when it is their time to be in need.