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Death & Dying

A Practical Guide for Death & Dying

This resource supports families and communities looking for alternative, lower cost and more hands on ways to tend to death and dying.

 

It includes pathways for working with a funeral director, not working with one, or a mixed approach.

If you want to die at home, or you want to take care of a loved one to die at home, you will need a lot of support. There are some incredible services and organisations offering hospice at home and palliative support, here in Hampshire and at its edges. Death Doulas that we recommend can also provide support

 

The most important skill you need for this time is asking for help.

Family, friends, neighbours.

Lean in.

Risk asking, and saying yes, to offers to collect prescriptions, do washing, make food, sit with your loved one while you have a walk or a bath. It takes a great deal of courage and vulnerability to gather a circle of care around you, but it can be a very powerful act of love for you all.

Expected & Unexpected deaths

The first steps depend on where and how someone has died.

Expected death at home with GP, community nurses, or hospice support:

You do not have to call someone straight away. You have time. When you are ready call the doctor or community nurses and they will come to confirm the time of death. 
 
Likewise, you do not need to phone a funeral director straight away. Take your time especially if you have decided to keep your person at home for some time after death. 

There are occasions when your plans might have to change. Sometimes where or the way someone dies means their death gets treated differently to what you expected. For example if someone decides the corner needs to be involved. 

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Expected death in hospital:

  • Staff will confirm the death, lay out the body, and take it to the hospital mortuary. You can ask to stay and help with this if you wish.

  • You'll need to contact the hospital's bereavement office, usually the next working day after 10am, they'll explain what happens next and what you need to bring. The folk who work in these departments are usually experienced in being aloside grieving people and really kind and helpful.

  • A hospital doctor issues the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death, which is then reviewed by an independent medical examiner before you can register the death.

  • The body stays in the mortuary until a funeral director collects it, or until other arrangements are made. It's worth asking the ward or bereavement office directly if you'd like more time with the body, or want to be involved in aspects of care, hospitals vary in what they can offer, but it's always worth asking.


In the case of a sudden or unexpected death:

  •  You must call 999.

  • The death may be referred to the Coroner. If the Coroner is involved, the sequence changes. This is explained later in the guide. 

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Death in a hospice or care home:

  • Staff will call a doctor, nurse, or paramedic to verify the death.

  • If the death was expected, you can then arrange for a funeral director to bring the person into their care, or explore taking them home if that's what you want.

  • If the death was unexpected, staff will contact the coroner, in the same way as an unexpected death anywhere else.

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If someone dies abroad:
Register the death according to the rules of the country where they died. A local death certificate from that country can usually be used in the UK, though if it isn't in English, you may need a certified translation to sort out their affairs here. If you also want the death registered with UK authorities, the Foreign, Commonwealth & Development Office can help (020 7008 5000).

Who Makes Decisions 

If there's a will, the executor named in it has the legal right to arrange the funeral.


If there's no will, that right passes to the closest relatives, in a set legal order — spouse or civil partner first, then children, then parents, and outward from there. Where several people rank equally, they'll usually need to agree between themselves.


It's worth knowing that this legal order doesn't recognise unmarried partners — so if you're not married or in a civil partnership, you have no automatic right to arrange your partner's funeral, regardless of how long you've been together.


People often say 'next of kin,' but that's just informal language — it isn't a legal status and doesn't by itself give anyone authority to arrange the funeral. The authority comes from being the executor, or from your place in the family order.

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If they had a Power of Attorney, the lasting or enduring power of attorney ends automatically when the person dies. The attorney needs to notify the Office of the Public Guardian and send them the power of attorney document, any certified copies, and a copy of the death certificate.

The First Hours After Death

If the death was expected, there is no need to do anything straight away. 

If the death was sudden or unexpected, call 999 and ask for both an ambulance and the police. Paramedics will confirm the death, and police will attend to check there's nothing suspicious. The death may then be referred to the coroner, who will need to confirm the cause before you can register it.

For an expected death, there is no rush. You can spend as much time as you need with the body before contacting anyone.


Note the time of death if you can, you'll be asked for it later.


At some point, a doctor, nurse, or paramedic needs to visit and verify that the person has died. This is separate from certifying the death. Verification just confirms it has happened, and can usually be done fairly quickly once you call. Certifying the cause of death comes later, and is done by a doctor.

Until someone has verified the death, avoid moving the body or removing any medical equipment. While you're waiting, you can still lay the body flat on its back with the head slightly raised, close the mouth (a rolled towel under the chin can help), close the eyelids gently, replace dentures if needed, and place a towel or continence pad underneath if there isn't one already.

When you're ready, and only when you're ready, you can contact friends, family, and a funeral director if you'd like one involved. A health professional may suggest the body be removed straight away; you're not obliged to agree, and there's rarely a practical reason it can't wait until morning.

Keeping the Body at Home

​​In England and Wales, it's lawful to keep a body at home, and there's no legal time limit for when burial or cremation must take place. Most families keep the body for a few hours, overnight, or one to three days — longer if it's kept cool.
This applies straightforwardly to an expected death. If the death was sudden or unexpected, a doctor (and sometimes the police) will usually need to confirm the cause before the body can be left at home or moved.


There's no requirement for immediate removal. Families can sit vigil, wash and dress the person, and take the time they need to say goodbye.


Cooling the Body
Cooling slows natural changes and lets the body be kept at home for longer. Ways to cool include opening windows, turning down the heating, keeping the body in the coolest room, and using ice packs wrapped in towels or cooling blankets placed beneath the body. Dry ice is more effective for longer periods and can usually be sourced through a funeral director.


Rigor Mortis
Begins 2–6 hours after death. Strongest around 12–24 hours. Usually fades after 24–48 hours.


Natural Changes
Cooling, changes in skin colour, relaxation of the muscles, possible release of the bladder or bowels, and small sounds as air leaves the lungs are all normal.
Washing and Tending the Body
You may wash the body if you wish — warm water, a cloth, is enough. 


Posture
As the body cools and stiffens, a rolled towel beneath the head can help with positioning. Hands may be folded or placed wherever feels natural.


Coffins and Trestles
If the body is resting in a coffin, trestles raise it to a comfortable height and allow airflow. These can be borrowed from a funeral director, or ordinary DIY trestles covered with cloth work just as well.

Vigil, Visiting & Time with the Body

After death, many people choose to spend time with the body before burial or cremation. You might want a space where friends and family can gather for this — a quiet time, or one that includes prayer, music, storytelling, or just sitting together. Different people find different ways to do this. 


Vigil
A vigil simply means staying with the body for a period of time. It might last a few hours, overnight, or several days. Some families sit quietly while others light candles, sing, pray, or share stories.


Visiting
Friends, neighbours, and extended family may come to pay their respects. This can happen at home, in a funeral director's chapel of rest, or in a community space. Visits may be informal or organised for certain hours. If you are visiting in a funeral directors chapel of rest you will need to arrange timings with them.


Keeping the body at home
If the body is kept at home, people often place it in a bedroom or quiet room, bring flowers or photographs, and come and go throughout the day.
Keeping the room cool helps slow natural changes. If it's cool outside, an open window can help; if the weather is warm, keep windows and curtains closed to block the heat instead. Ice packs or cooling blankets placed around the body also help — change ice packs every two days, and wrap them in plastic bags and towels to keep the bed or coffin dry or use dry ice.


Children and young people
Children often benefit from being included rather than excluded and this can sometimes be a difficult decision to navigate. Ask other people what their experience is and see our resource section on how to support children and grief. 


A simple reminder
Spending time with your person's body is not required. Some people find it helpful and meaningful. Others prefer to remember the person differently. 

Registering the Death

The death must be registered with the local registrar, usually within five days. This doesn't apply if the death has been referred to the coroner, registration happens once they've finished their part.


You register at the register office for the district where the death happened. Most offices work by appointment, book online or by phone. If you can't get to the right district's office, you can attend any register office in England or Wales and make a declaration instead, the registrar there forwards your information to the correct office, though this can add a short delay.


Usually the nearest relative registers the death, but anyone with the right information can do it. You'll need the medical certificate of cause of death, and it helps to have the person's date of birth, last address, occupation, and NHS number to hand.


The registrar issues the certificate needed for burial or cremation (sometimes called the "green form"), which you pass to the funeral director if you're using one. You'll also get a Certificate of Registration of Death, and can buy certified copies of the death certificate for £12.50 each. Most families need 8-12 certified copies for things like banks, pensions, and probate.


Most registery offices offer a service called Tell Us Once, which reports the death to several government departments and local services in one go, including the DWP, DVLA, HM Passport Office, and your council. The registrar gives you a code for this at your appointment. If your local area doesn't offer it, you'll need to contact each organisation separately.

When the Coroner Is Involved

A death is reported to the coroner when the cause is unknown, or the death involved an accident, injury, or unnatural circumstances, or happened in custody or from an industrial disease. This referral is usually made by a doctor, sometimes by the registrar.


The coroner may review medical information, order a post-mortem, or hold an inquest. While the investigation is ongoing, the body stays in the coroner's care rather than at home.


This can delay the funeral, though the body is often released once the post-mortem is complete, even if the wider investigation continues. Once released, you can still choose to bring the body home before the funeral if that's what you want.

Working with or without a Funeral Director 

In England & Wales, families may arrange everything themselves, work entirely with a funeral director, or combine family care with professional help.

All three approaches are lawful.

 

If you use a funeral director

A funeral director can help with transporting the body, care of the body, paperwork, coffins, and planning a ceremony.

Some people prefer this support, especially when time or capacity is limited.

 

If you arrange things yourself

Families may choose to care for the body at home, provide their own coffin, transport the body themselves, and arrange burial or cremation directly.

Registrars, cemeteries, and crematoria can explain their requirements.

 

Mixing approaches

Many families choose a combination, for example keeping the body at home for several days and then asking a funeral director to assist with transport or the ceremony.

You are allowed to decide which parts you want help with.

 

Choosing a funeral director

If you decide to use one, it can help to ask what services are included, what the costs are, and whether they are comfortable with family involvement.

You are allowed to change funeral directors if your wishes are not being respected.


It's worth checking that a funeral director is registered with a recognised body, such as the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD), the National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF), or the Association of Green Funeral Directors. This isn't a legal requirement, but it gives you somewhere to turn if something goes wrong.

 

A simple reminder

Funeral directors provide a service. They do not control the process.

Burial & Cremation Paperwork

Both burial and cremation require the death to be registered, and every death (whether buried or cremated) is independently reviewed, either by a medical examiner or, if the coroner is involved, by their investigation. The main difference in paperwork is what happens after registration.

Burial
The registrar issues a certificate allowing burial or cremation (often called the green form). This is given to the cemetery or burial ground before burial takes place. No additional certificate is required. Burial can be arranged through a funeral director or directly with a cemetery or natural burial ground. If you have space, you can also carry out a home funeral and bury someone on your own land. Home and land burial is legal in England and Wales with rules around distance from water sources, land ownership, and a burial register you need to keep. More information can be found here https://www.naturaldeath.org.uk

Cremation
Alongside registration, the person arranging the cremation completes a cremation application, and the crematorium's medical referee authorises it based on the medical examiner's review. If a funeral director is involved, they usually handle this paperwork. Families arranging cremation themselves deal with the crematorium directly, staff there will guide you through the local process.

When the Coroner Is Involved
If a death is referred to the coroner, the coroner issues the paperwork that allows burial or cremation instead of the usual route.

Coffins, Shrouds & What's Allowed

There is no law requiring you to buy a coffin from a funeral director.


There is also no law that says a coffin must always be used, a shroud can also be an option, although burial grounds and crematoria may have their own requirements.


Common options;

  • Wooden coffins

  • Cardboard coffins

  • Wicker or willow coffins

  • Homemade coffins

  • Shrouds (cloth wrapping)

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Homemade coffins
Families sometimes build coffins themselves using wood or other materials. If you do this, it is wise to check with the burial ground or crematorium beforehand so that the size and materials meet their practical requirements. On our Community of Care page you will find recommendations for coffin makers, some of whom will support you to make your own coffin.


Shrouds
The body may be wrapped in cloth rather than placed in a coffin. For burial this is often used together with a board or stretcher underneath to allow the body to be carried safely. Some crematoria also allow shrouds, although each crematorium has its own rules.


Providing your own coffin
You are allowed to buy a coffin directly from a coffin maker, purchase one online, or build one yourself.


Funeral directors generally must accept a coffin supplied by the family, provided it is safe to handle and meets the practical requirements of the crematorium or burial ground. They cannot insist that you purchase a coffin from them.

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Disposing of Ashes

 

There is no legal time limit on what you do with ashes. They can be kept, buried, or scattered days, months, or years after the cremation, ashes stored in a sealed container remain stable indefinitely.

You can bury ashes in your own garden without needing any permission. To scatter them on someone else's land, it's expected that you ask the landowner first, though there's no specific criminal law against scattering. Scattering at sea requires a licence from the Marine Management Organisation, it's free and straightforward to apply for online.

There's no requirement to use a particular urn or container. The cremation authority must hand the ashes to whoever applied for the cremation, or to someone they've nominated, and a homemade or repurposed container is just as acceptable as a bought one.

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Moving & Transporting the Body

Families are allowed to transport the body themselves.


The body should be supported on a board, stretcher, or in a coffin, and kept covered throughout. An estate car or van usually works best, since the body needs to lie flat.


You'll need enough people on hand to carry the coffin or stretcher in and out of the vehicle, at least four is a reasonable minimum but more is better.

Attended & Unattended Funerals

An attended funeral means people are present for the ceremony, whether that's a service at a crematorium, a graveside gathering or any other kind of funeral, although the phrase is most often used in relation to cremations. 

 

An unattended funeral means the cremation or burial happens without anyone present. This is sometimes called a direct cremation when there's no service at all. Ashes can be returned to the family afterwards, although this is not always the case, or a burial is carried out by cemetery staff alone. 

 

Families sometimes decide to separate the ceremony from the cremation or burial by holding a memorial, wake, or celebration of life at a different time and place, with or without the body or ashes present. This can take the pressure off fitting everything into a short crematorium slot. 

Costs & Asking for Prices

Funerals can involve significant costs, but there is no single way a funeral must be arranged.

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Costs vary widely depending on the choices made. Understanding what is optional can help people make decisions that feel right for them and you can save money by choosing to arrange some or all of the funeral yourself.

 

Funeral director costs

If you use a funeral director, the price will usually include services such as transport of the body, care of the body, paperwork, facilities, a coffin, and organising the funeral or cremation.

Not all of these services are required. You can ask for an itemised price list and choose only the services you want.

 

Price transparency

Funeral directors in England and Wales are required to make their standardised price list available to the public, including on their website if they have one.

You are entitled to ask for written prices, compare providers, and take time before agreeing to services.

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Direct Cremation
Some people choose direct cremation. This means the body is cremated without a ceremony at the crematorium, and without any family or friends in attendance. A memorial or gathering may take place separately either before cremation or later.


Direct cremation is often less expensive, although prices vary between providers. Some of the cheapest, nationwide options transport the body to whichever crematorium they have a contract with, which can be a considerable distance away, so it's worth asking a provider where the cremation will actually take place. A local funeral director offering direct cremation will usually use a nearby crematorium instead.


Families may also arrange cremation themselves without using a funeral director. 

 

Burial costs

Burial costs usually include purchase of a burial plot, grave preparation, and cemetery fees. Costs vary significantly between cemeteries and Natural burial grounds can have different pricing structures

 

Coffins and containers

You are not required to purchase a coffin from a funeral director.

Options include coffins bought directly from makers, cardboard coffins, wicker coffins, homemade coffins, or shrouds (depending on burial ground or crematorium requirements).

Providing your own coffin can reduce costs.

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Taking time
You are allowed to ask questions, request written estimates, and compare options. If someone is pushing you to make immediate financial decisions then find a way to slow down and ask another funeral director to quote.
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Funeral arrangements can be simple and do not need to be elaborate. In the midst of grief it is easy to get confused or lost in thinking that the more we spend the more we are honouring the person who has died.

What matters most is that the arrangements reflect the wishes and values of the person who has died and the people who love them. 

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Help if you can't afford a funeral
If you're on a low income and receiving a qualifying benefit (such as Universal Credit, Pension Credit, or Housing Benefit), you may be able to claim a Funeral Expenses Payment from the DWP. This can cover burial or cremation fees plus up to £1,000 towards other costs like the coffin or funeral director's fees, though any payment is reduced by money from the estate or other sources. You must claim within 6 months of the funeral.
If there's genuinely no money and no one able to pay, the local council (or the hospital, if the person died there) can arrange a public health funeral.


See our Financial Support page for more detail, including charities that help with funeral costs directly.

Home & DIY Funerals

Home Funerals

Home funerals are legal in England & Wales.

You are not required to use a funeral director.

 

A home funeral can include:

• Keeping the body at home for hours or days

• Washing and laying out the body

• Vigil or visiting time

• Ceremony in the home or garden

• Family-led transport

• Combining family care with support from a funeral director

 

There is no single correct version.

 

Important reassurance

• You can use a funeral director for some parts and not others

• You can change your mind as you go

• You can ask for help without handing everything over

• Care does not have to be all-or-nothing

 

If a funeral director is unwilling to work with your wishes, you may choose someone else — even if your loved one’s body is already in their care.

Asking for Help & Involving Community

Death has long been cared for within families and communities and it is only in recent times that the funeral business has developed into a commercial industry. Once upon a time funerals would have unfolded through and alongside the hearts and hands of the community. Graves would have been dug, sandwiches buttered, flowers gathered and woven into wreathes, all by friends, family and neighbours. 
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Now days we often have to outsource everything. We buy all the services connected to funerals and have lost track of the skills needed to take care of our dying and dead loved ones. 
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We are on a mission to remember and remind each other that we do not have to do everything alone. 
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Asking for help
Friends and neighbours often want to help but may not know what would be useful and are often worried about intruding or overstepping. It can help to ask people for specific things and to gather people in well in advance of them being needed. 
 
People might help by:
• Sitting with the dying person or their body
• Preparing food, welcoming and supporting visitors
• Collecting people from the station
• Looking after children
Collecting or returning of prescriptions or medical equipment.
• Helping with practical tasks around the house

 
Food and gatherings
Food often becomes part of how communities support one another.
Friends might cook meals, bring dishes to share, or help prepare food for a wake or gathering.
 
Flowers and natural offerings
You do not have to buy funeral flowers from a florist.
Some families choose to make arrangements themselves using garden flowers or natural materials.
Friends and family might gather flowers from gardens or hedgerows, make wreaths or garlands, or bring branches, herbs, or seasonal plants.
These can be placed around the body, on the coffin, or at the graveside.
 
Making a coffin
Some families choose to make a coffin themselves or decorate a simple coffin together.
This might involve woodworking, painting, writing messages, or adding drawings and handprints.
There are some amazing shroud and coffin makers who can support you to DIY in part of full.
 
We want to remind you...

Inviting others to help allows people to share the work of care and remembrance. There is no need to be more lonely than you have to be when someone you love dies. Everyone who lives long enough will loose someone they love and when you ask for help, you support others to remember to do the same when it is their time to be in need. 

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